While it may seem like a clever title, lifted from the type of cringe-inducing rap Will Smith might produce, I mean it in an actual literal sense. I have spent the last week kicking things in the face in an old school setting.
Now, that doesn't mean I personally have been sticking my converse in the mush caves of every passerby I see - no - I mean it in a virtual sense. For the past few days I've been busying myself in the heroic endeavor of completing DOOM, DOOM II, and Duke Nukem 3D.
And my friends and family say I do nothing meaningful with my time.
This all came about after playing DOOM III BFG Edition and selecting the first of the series in a fit of ironic whimsy. While at first I may have chortled at the graphics, smirked at the mechanics, and patted my thighs in superiority at the non-existence narrative, I ultimately became hooked on id's landmark shooter.
Perhaps it's the entire lack of simple run-and-gun games these days, or that every FPS now seemingly feels the need to emulate a very shouty version of Commando - whatever it may be, I have immensely enjoyed my sojourn back to the past - I'd recommend you try it too.
And yet, just a few years ago, I remember screaming in terror at the types of experience a game like Quake 4 demanded I pay attention to. Those simple balls-to-the-wall actioneers seemed archaic, dragged from a brutal time in which all we demanded was keycards and keyboard strafing.
It's funny how themes and trends change as time progresses. By the time id Software released its latest wares in the form of DOOM III and the aforementioned Quake, aside from the technology used, the gameplay was largely dismissed. Most gamers folded their arms, furrowed their brows, and explained that we had "played Half-Life" and that they had "seen the light.”
Fast forward a few years, and now it seems we are in a completely new realm of saturation: this time the general consensus of first person shooting is military.
Now it seems that those straight-forward, straight-laced shooters of yesteryear don't seem so bland. The claustrophobic setting of DOOM III is a refreshing contrast to the explosive, horse-riding, eye-orgy that Black Ops 2 vomits in your face.
And now I will mention Duke Nukem Forever.
Yeah' I totally went there, and I'm not even scared. Duke Nukem Forever split opinions as it finally launched after its 12 year development cycle. Some called it lovingly retro, while others just described it as a big steaming box of Duke turd. Whichever camp you sit on, trekking back to that particular piece of software now unveils a totally different perspective, or atleast for myself.
While the graphics are murky, certain sequences more or less polished than the others, it is a game worthy of anybody's time and attention. The opening sequences are lovingly tongue-in-cheek, not forcing mindless violence until entirely necessary - and the RC car segments a peculiar joy.
I think my current mind set stems from so many Call of Dutys, Medal of Honors, and Battlefields. My gaming palette is crammed with morsels of modern warfare types, all of which toeing a similar party line of set-pieces, and film pastiche. To play something so unrelentingly simple is actually refreshing. Add a jump puzzle or two into proceedings and I am relatively swooning.
So why not check out those old shooters you have loved and have now dismissed? You might find something compelling.